But even in long-term stable relationships, partners who feel that they are in love may grow apart, if one believes that they are not emotionally safe in the relationship, or that it lacks passion or intimacy. Many of us know couples that broke up despite believing that they were in love with each other, because of one partner’s infidelity or because of distance or circumstance. Love also brings people together, but it takes more than love to stay together. Research consistently shows that most couples struggle to talk about sex honestly, but that when they do, it brings them closer together. People in this state of love tend to experience very powerful feelings for each other. Over the long term, most couples will face sexual challenges, as bodies change with age and individuals’ desire for sex waxes and wanes (and generally declines). Hatfield defines passionate love as 'a state of intense longing for union with another.' This type of love tends to be more common at the outset of a relationship. Partners have sex for self-interested reasons-it feels good and can boost self-esteem and for relationship-focused reasons-it enhances closeness and pleases someone they love. When I think of all of the disastrous relationships Ive seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them. Sexual connection is a vital aspect of most romantic relationships, but it’s not always as central as people may think. That may sound paradoxical, but its true.
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